


His Tears

by starrydelights



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 22:02:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16049453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrydelights/pseuds/starrydelights
Summary: Simon wakes up in the middle of the night and sees something he was never expecting to witness.





	His Tears

Simon’s eyes opened.

No, he didn’t have a nightmare; no, he didn’t feel like he had a Visit; he just felt like something was wrong. He looked around. Nothing seemed out of the usual.

That was, until, he heard a loud sob.

He turned around to face Baz’s bed, sitting up in an instant once the dim moonlight which got to make its way through the curtains revealed his roomate on his bed, on his knees, hands clutching the bedsheets and tears rolling down his cheeks, meeting on his chin and dropping to the mattress.

“Baz..?” Simon called out quietly. The other turned his head around to face him (Simon had noticed he had a keen ear), quickly wiping the remaining tears away and glancing at him, brows furrowed and eyes not fully open, both from the tears and from the faked annoyance.

“Go back to sleep, Snow. This doesn’t involve you.” He turned his head around again so that Simon couldn’t see his face. Out of everything he wanted to show him, this wasn’t it. He wanted to appear strong, smug, clever, _loveable_ , not this.

“It may not be, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t worry me.” Even if Baz was his rival, he just couldn’t leave him there like that. That’s just being a bad person. “So please, tell me, what’s wrong?”

“I said, this doesn’t involve you. And why do you worry about me out of a sudden?” His mind was so full with returning memories and upsetting thoughts, he didn’t have space left to think of how to act. He considered just casting a spell which would make Simon fall asleep in an instant, but would that go against the Anathema? It didn’t matter, he told himself as he quickly dropped the thought.

“Because you’re not the kind to cry. At least not around people.” Baz rolled his eyes, but the other was right. He always went somewhere isolated to bawl his sorrows out, this time he simply wasn’t careful. It just… Happened. 

"Just because I’m not the kind to cry doesn’t mean you suddenly have to care about me.”

“But I still do. It’s so unusual to see you cry, don’t you think it’s weird for me?” Simon sighed that mild anger he got from Baz’s senseless replies away, the worry crawling back up to him. “Please, let me help.”

Baz closed his eyes. He just wouldn’t leave him alone until he said something, right? His hand still placed on the bed sheets tightened its grip as he barely managed to say without breaking down again, “I’ve been thinking about my mother. There, now you know. Now please, leave me a--”

“Oh, your mom…” Simon interrupted, placing a hand on his own neck. So it was that serious. And he was just here, insisting endlessly to know what brought him to tears. He was the senseless one, not Baz. “What happened to her… It wasn’t your fault.”

Simon was terrible at comforting. “I know it’s not. I was a child. It’s just,” Is he really going to talk more about this? He supposed it wouldn’t hurt. “I’m what killed her.”

Simon’s face reflected even more worry, and compassion. Those little hints of kindness secretly drove Baz crazy. “You may be, but not because you want to. You didn’t choose this.”

“It doesn’t matter if I did or not, Snow. If mum was alive, she would kill me.” His voice sounded angry, yet sad, Simon noticed.

“She wouldn’t! You’re her son.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Baz turned his head back at him. His face was somehow red, entirely red, and his eyes watery. “I’m not her son anymore! I’m just a monster, the same monster that killed her!”

Simon’s heart dropped. He had never felt like this. Not even for Agatha. He felt like his entire body was pulling itself towards Baz, to wrap his arms around him and whisper softly in his ear, _“Everything’s okay.”_

“You aren’t a monster! You’re as human as me!”

“I am not, Snow! I’m anything but human!”

“You are human, Baz!”

“I’m not! For the last time, I am not! She probably despises me, I should just end it all, shouldn’t I?” He was shaking. He looked so tired, so done, so upset, so… Everything.

And that’s when Simon did what he felt he should.

He hurried towards the other’s bed, hopping on it despite Baz trying to stop him and wrapping his arms around him.

And Baz stopped moving for a second.

And Simon hid his face in his hair.

And Baz loosened up, as if this was a fight and he was admitting defeat.

“It’s okay,” Simon whispered in his ear, just how he wanted to, “Everything’s okay. I’m sure your mom loves you just how she did when she was alive.”

He heard a whimper.

And another.

And then loud sobs, just like the one he heard when he woke up.

He was finally letting himself mourn.

Not hiding away, not bottling up his feelings.

Just mourning.

**Author's Note:**

> MY FIRST SNOWBAZ FIC, BUT DEFINETLY NOT MY LAST!! god i love these two  
> AND I LOVE BAZ. A LOT. AND THIS IS PROOF OF THAT. MAKING HIM CRY. USHIJKSA  
> I HOPE YALL ENJOY THIS!!!   
> (if for some reason any of yall want it, my twitter is @happykirarins!!)


End file.
